In El Paso Tim fell in love with a beautiful dance hall girl named Anna Konda. The way her tongue darted in and out when she sang made Tim's heart go pitter patter. The only problem was Anna belonged to that double-dealing card shark Diamondback Rattler. One day while in the cantina Tim saw Diamondback slapping Anna around. In a fury he jumped on Diamondback and the fight was on. When Diamondback realized he was no match for Tim's frenzied attack combined with youthful stamina, he pulled a hideout gun. Before Tim knew what was happening his own pistol seemed to leap into his hand and three shots rang out in the silence of the cantina. Tim had put two slugs into Diamondback's chest and one in his forehead. Diamondback sagged to floor, coughed and died in the sawdust. Then Tim noticed that Anna, who had been behind Diamondback, had two red stains in her ample bosom. Tim's two slugs had pased right through Diamondback's slimy body and hit Anna. Tim had bought his .45 slugs from Naked Bird's House of Hot Ammo. As Tim watched the life fade from Anna's blue eyes, he swore never to shoot hot loads again, instead choosing to load his own "mouse phart" loads. Tim knew he had to get of town fast, in fact even out of Texas, because Diamondback's brothers, King Cobra and Copperhead Moccasin, would soon be after his head. He travelled up into Wyoming Territory joining up with the Hole in the Head gang. After a few months of riding the outlaw trail Tim decided to drift back south where the climate was a little warmer. He did not care at all for the cold mountain air or having to go to the outhouse in the snow. He drifted back into the Indian Territory. He tried his hand at gambling, but couldn't bring himself to throw away hard earned money. He was too lazy to work, too jealous to pimp and to nervous to steal, which pretty much covered about all the jobs available in the Territory at that time. Then one day while walking down the wooden sidewalk of Deadrat I.T., he saw a help wanted sign hanging on a building wall. Tim thought about it for a minute and said to himself "well it's steady work and the pay can't be that bad". So he went in and applied for the job. When he walked back out the door he was wearing his new tin star with the words DEPUTY CITY MARSHALL printed across the front. And there ends our saga of Tim Burrattler, for if you you pass through the streets of Deadrat, you will still see him patrolling the town, ever vigilant, broke as hell, but ever vigilant. |
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The Story of Tim Burrattler Tim Burrattler was born in the Indian Territories sometime before the War of Northern Aggression. He was orphaned during the war and was left to fend for himself. He fell in with Confederate guerillas who took a liking to the boy with the sense of humor, always quick with a dirty joke or story. Tim worked around camp or held horses for the men while they did their "jobs". After the war, Tim drifted down to Texas with others of his kind. He got a job with the cattle drives, working first as a wrangler and then a cowhand. He decided that a life of eating dust and looking at the south end of north bound cows was not how he wanted to live out his life. He got a job riding shotgun on the Buttermilk Stage Lines, which he did for awhile. |
